Hype-speak Reaches New Lows

BluePoint’s recent job posting on LinkedIn has yielded hundreds of resumes from qualified professionals across the country.  Most of the applicants sent well-written cover letters to accompany succinct and interesting resumes.  Sure, we’ve seen our fair share of grammatical mistakes and typographical errors.  We’ve even conducted a few interviews that ended before they started, if you know what I mean. 

resume

However, my worst moment in the recruitment process occurred today when this beauty arrived on my desktop through LinkedIn.  Read it and weep for all those poor marketing people who have spent so much time in hype mode, they’ve just plain forgotten how to write. 

FIRST WITHOUT COMMENTARY

Hi Alison,

I came across your listing for a communications and PR pro focused on tech and thought it might be interesting for us to at least have an initial dialogue. As a senior executive, my disciplines encompass 360-degree experience in corporate communications and PR with a sound track record of leadership and direct line C-suite reporting. With heavy thought leadership advocacy underscoring my portfolio, I’ve authored and published numerous byline feature articles and editorial focused on technologies, while targeting a wide array of global professional audiences, and I have of course written numerous news releases.

Mastery in pitching the press taken together with a deep international media network that encompasses trades, the business press as well as industry and financial analyst communities, compliments my abilities in crafting compelling messaging. In the end, my hallmark is one of building brand equity and driving top line revenue.

Should you find my credentials of interest, it would certainly be my pleasure to speak with you.

Cordially,

 (Name withheld out of pity and concern)

NOW, WITH COMMENTARY

Hi Alison,

I came across your listing for a communications and PR pro focused on tech and thought it might be interesting for us to at least have an initial dialogue (does this mean talk?). As a senior executive (clue: senior executives don’t refer to themselves as senior executives), my disciplines encompass 360-degree experience (starting to feel queasy here) in corporate communications and PR with a sound track record of leadership (how many times have you used that phrase today?) and direct line C-suite reporting (lunch starting to swirl in stomach). With heavy thought leadership advocacy (lunch lurching upward) underscoring my portfolio (huh?), I’ve authored and published numerous byline feature articles and editorial focused on technologies, while targeting a wide array of global professional audiences (really wishing I’d stuck with plain white rice), and I have of course written numerous news releases (but, of course).

Mastery (don’t go there with me, mister) in pitching the press taken together (thin ice, buster) with a deep international media network (running for the ladies’) that encompasses trades, the business press as well as industry and financial analyst communities, compliments (your thesaurus works, now try the dictionary) my abilities in crafting compelling messaging (compelling is good, I like compelling). In the end, my hallmark (as in “with my deepest sympathy kind of Hallmark?”) is one of building brand equity (so much for lunch) and driving top line revenue (I bet those sales guys think you’re swell ).

Should you (I really shouldn’t, thank you) find my credentials (what credentials?) of interest, it would certainly be my pleasure to speak with you.

Cordially, (Do I know you?)

 (Name withheld out of pity and concern)

 SUGGESTED IMPROVEMENT

 Hey Allie,

I’d like to talk with you about your job posting on LinkedIn.  I’ve been around the block a few times and know how to turn a petty phrase.  I have a thesaurus and I’m not afraid to use it.  CEO’s love me, and so do editors and reporters.  You’ll love me, too.

 Call me, babe.

 (Name withheld out of pity and concern)

– Posted by Alison Moore

Advertisements

1 Response to “Hype-speak Reaches New Lows”


  1. 1 Dan Dent September 22, 2009 at 2:46 pm

    This was a well-deserved skewering of a bad post that had “form letter” written all over it. Committing that sin is something no self-respecting PR pro should let himself make.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s




About Us

BluePoint provides a comprehensive range of consulting, marketing and public relations services to global technology and professional services companies.

Follow BluePoint on Twitter!

Subscribe: RSS


%d bloggers like this: